Building Trust

A Self Improvement Quick Tip

Building trust happens in blocks of time that can be measured in seconds or minutes, but the results can impact you for years. I've placed this process in the "Quick Tips" section because you can practice the recommended technique very quickly. The key, though, is to practice the technique often if you expect to enhance your personal development. If you practice it a hundred times each day, you'll more likely find that it becomes second nature. So, instead of expecting "quick results," you'll find it more helpful to think of "quick steps" or "quick practices."

The approach is basically the same whether you want to be building trust where it doesn't yet exist (for example, in a new relationship), re-building trust where it's broken (for example, trust was present and then an event or condition reversed it), enhancing the trust in a satisfying relationship, or fine-tuning your self-trust.

The idea is: start where it's easiest, become familiar with the feeling of trust, and carry that feeling to the area you want to experience or build trust. Here is each step with just a little more information.

The Building Trust Process

Start Where It's Easiest. If you experience deep satisfaction with one aspect of your work, feel what it's like to trust there. If a walk in the woods evokes ecstasy or freedom, experience being "in the flow" of trust there. If you feel total trust when you're with your partner, use that as your barometer for feeling trust. Let this be your home base for trust, whether you're physically in the situation that is easiest or you're visiting it in your imagination.

Become Familiar with the Feeling of Trust. In the situation you've identified as easy to feel trust, become really familiar with the feeling. Give it a name or imagine a color or hear a sound or draw a picture. Use whatever helps you to feel the feeling of trust and know that you are feeling trust. You may find it helpful to approach this in the way I explain in describing your Empowerment Stance.

Carry that Feeling to the Situation Where you Want to Build Trust. When you've soaked yourself in the good feelings of trust, let those feelings emanating from you, and then turn your attention to the subject where you are adding, changing, or building trust. If this is a situation where you're learning to trust again, you may find it more challenging than a situation that is new and fresh with no history.

If you drop the feelings of trust, relax and try again later. It's important to be gentle with yourself. It's better to spend just a little time doing this often than to spend too long at one time. It's important to think of building trust as an ongoing, continuous process rather than an occasional event.

More of the Story

While I've said that the process is essentially the same in any situation you have a desire for building trust, clearly a situation in which broken trust exists requires special attention. Give it time. Give it space. Give it love. Give it more. As it feels safe, give it a little more of trust of the quality that you feel in that easy situation.

I talk with many people who understand intellectually and speak articulately about the idea of "trusting the Universe" and "trusting the moment." Understanding intellectually and speaking articulately are worthy starting places, especially if you find that language helps you to integrate your thoughts and be in touch with your feelings. However, you can feel challenged when the circumstances are close and personal.

The essence of trust is very fluid. When you're trusting, you are in the flow. When you're building trust, you may find that the fluidity is intermittent. Trust can wash away old memories of distrust and mistrust and non-trust. "Trust" and "truth" are often associated with each other. Trust is aligned with Truth from a higher source; that is, trust is pure, not manipulative.

So often when I hear people speak about trust, the context is about trusting (or not trusting) someone else. Sometimes this is useful. However, I think it’s more useful to consider the extent to which you trust yourself. When you trust yourself, you know when to trust others. This is not a game of semantics, but the core issue of Trust. It’s a feeling in you, a communication from your inner self.

As you're in the process of building trust, remember to trust the process.

This Quick Tip Encourages You to be Building Trust Frequently

See Additional Ideas in the Self Improvement Quick Tips Section

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